Gwyneth Paltrow's latest Goop newsletter offers up advice for updating your spring closet – for $500K!

Update your Spring wardrobe for only $500,000!! No biggie, right? Well not if you’re Gwyneth Paltrow!

In her latest Goop article, the 40-year-old actress poses in a series of designer outfits for occasions like work, cocktail parties, dinners and casual weekends. The clothes, which all come from Net-a-porter, are meant as “inspiration for outfits for all aspects of your busy life.”

One outfit which she recommends for ‘a nighttime occasion’ consists of a $425 white leather crop-top from Theyksens’ Theory, shiny orange Maiyet shorts for $475, a $925 leopard print Charlotte Olympia clutch and Jimmy Choo heels for $575.

She accessorizes the bright ensemble with a $795 Swarovski crystal necklace and a $1,590 bangle bracelet from Saint Laurent.

For ‘a night in with guests’, the mother-of-two suggests a maxi skirt, which she pairs with a plain grey tank top.

The satin and tulle skirt she models goes for $1,615 from Temperley London, while the racer-back T by Alexander Wang top is a more affordable $77.

To keep the look casual, Ms Paltrow wears flat shoes – a $945 pair of Charlotte Olympia sandals.

And for weekend lounging, the star opts for a slouchy look – silky trousers, a loose sweatshirt and army green sneakers.

The sweatshirt – from Saint Laurent – costs $675, her shoes are $600 Isabel Marant ankle boots, and the silk Chloe pants cost $1,695.

The blonde tops off her casual look with $760 worth of jewelry.

For daytime basics, the actress suggests pastels including a dusty pink T-shirt from Lanvin for $675.

She compliments her girly top with a $265 pair of matching pink Paul and Joe shorts. And to keep the outfit conservative, she sports a $625 white button-down beneath her short-sleeved top.

Okay, I get it, I get it. Gwyneth is super annoying. I read this Goop newsletter when it came in yesterday, and I thought what a pretentious b**ch. Seriously, who can afford this stuff? It’s blatantly obvious that most people CANNOT afford it. And the people who could…do they read her newsletter?

I think most of these clothes are super cute, and sure, in an ideal life I would have Gwyneth Paltrow’s body and Gwyneth Paltrow’s checking account. But I don’t. I think this newsletter would have come across much better had she modeled outfits from Old Navy and H&M. Cute clothes that people can actually afford.

Who’s with me!

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